


Sleeping Lions

by archarcher



Category: Blackadder
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Insomnia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archarcher/pseuds/archarcher
Summary: Blackadder has a problem. Prince George is his usual clueless self.
Relationships: Edmund Blackadder/Prince George (Blackadder)
Kudos: 13





	Sleeping Lions

Blackadder was crouching on the floor.  
"What are you doing?" asked Baldrick coming in.  
"Shut up. I'm listening."  
"Really? Why?"  
"Because I'm trying to catch a mouse." Irritation was audible in Blackadder’s voice.  
"Why?"  
"What do you mean 'why’?"  
"They are tasty and good as food," muttered Baldrick seemingly to himself.  
"Oh, shut up, you pathetic riffraff."  
"Right."  


With that Baldrick left, no doubt to seek some new amusingly shaped turnips. Blackadder put his ear to the stony surface trying to catch any unusual sounds.

***

The next day Prince Regent was distractedly tossing an apple in the air, as Blackadder entered the sitting room.  
"Blackadder, tonight I’ve decided - what I need is a change of style.” He spinned on his heel. “Something fancy!”  
“…”  
"Hey, what’s with the peaky look? A goat ate your breeches? Haha!”  
"I haven't…" Blackadder moodily stared at the wall. "Slept, milord.”  
"Never mind. I think I will need some new fancy shirts, with matching handkerchiefs...” Prince George began counting on his fingers.  
The list was long, partly because some items come up more than once.

***

Even the Prince noticed him looking out of sorts. Of course the mystery of his sleepless night was easy to solve for those who weren't Baldrick…  
Blackadder, wearing his usual black, was sitting at the kitchen table with his face pressed against his arms, posture relaxed.  
"Hey, Mr B. Hey!"  
Blackadder jolted awake and saw Baldrick's face. A terrible image to wake up to.  
"What?" he snapped.  
"You looked like you were napping, but I thought maybe you were dead, and it was your lifeless body, so I thought I should check.”  
"Check if I was dead? This is stupid even for you. No sleep here today,” he grumbled. "And I still can't get rid of the mice. Though, wait a minute... I might just have a plan.”  
"A cunning plan?”  
"Yes, Baldrick, a plan that will allow me to get a blissful night of undisturbed sleep. A sleep without mice." Blackadder smirked.

***

Prince Regent was happily getting ready for bed when somebody knocked and entered without waiting for his reply. It was Blackadder.  
"What’s the matter?”  
"I've found a solution to your problem, milord.”  
“But I don't have a problem," smiled Prince George thinking that it must be a joke and a punchline is soon to come.  
"A problem with your style, to be precise. With people laughing at you because you're... ordinary.”  
"Well, I've already solved it. New clothes, new gloves, socks, some more clothes, and so on."  
Blackadder really didn’t look that well with dark circles under his eyes. Speaking about dark circles…The Prince climbed under the covers, opened a jar and rubbed some cream on his face.  
"But the problem remains. The Press is merciless. Gray and Dull will be associated with you for the generations to come.” He added quietly, “not to mention Dumb.”  
“What?”  
“Nothing, milord.”  
"Oh, that's terrible. I have no wish to be referred to as ‘that unremarkable ruler of England’.” Prince Regent furrowed his brow in worry.  
"And I have a solution," prompted Blackadder.  
"Yes, yes. What is it?”  
"You might spread the rumor that you have special romantic preferences.”  
With this Blackadder walked around the bed, sat on the edge, took off his shoes, and got under the covers.  
Meanwhile Prince Regent took some time to think about this solution. By the time he noticed the butler in his bed it was too late to object. He took some more time to contemplate Blackadder lying beside him.  
"If I sleep with you they would think that you're my lover,” concluded Prince George. “It might work! Oh, I don't know, wouldn’t I look a bit, you know, gay? What do you think, Blackadder?”  
"Em... Not at all, milord." Blackadder contentedly snuggled into soft pillows. It was a blissfully mice less bed. No critters in sight or his hearing range.  
The Prince looked around hoping someone explains this development to him. No one did. He shrugged and returned to his cream.

***

Prince George opened his eyes. The room was bathed in the morning sun. He stretched, and rolled on his other side, a smile on his elegant lips. In the next moment he flinched and sat up.  
"What are you doing here? You, butler!" His voice was higher than usual. He disdainfully looked at the figure lying a few inches from him. A figure wearing a black coat with dark hair. A wig was lying on the pillow near Blackadder' head.  
"It won't do. Butler! Wake up!" He shoved his shoulder. This invoked some response from Blackadder.  
"Baldrick, if this dribbling, daft as a cork Prince with a powder for brains is still snoring away, and you just thought that it would be a good idea to wake me up, sod off." The tirade was spoken in a voice rough from sleep. Blackadder buried himself in the pillow firmly and proceeded with sleeping.  
"What? I can't believe it! Hey, you, butler, wake up!”  
"Yes, what? The money is in my pocket, Gwendoline.”  
"Wake up!" Prince shoved at his shoulder once more.  
"Oh, milord! Good morning. I think..." Blackadder took in his surroundings. "I hope you slept well?” he asked cautiously.  
"Yes, thank you. No! I did before I woke up and heard such offensive nonsense from my servant.”  
"Is that so?”  
"Yes, and it was you!”  
"And what did I say, milord?" Blackadder asked with an underlying message ‘this hopeless idiot is unable to recall what was said two seconds earlier. Even if I did say something, which I strongly doubt, he won't remember what it was.’  
"Oh, of course I don't remember! I'm too noble to remember all the nonsense." Prince waved his hand.  
Meanwhile Blackadder hunted for the shoes he took off last night.  
"So, tell me, what were you doing in my bed? Is it a game? Oh, wait, it's a riddle!” Prince Regent sprang from the bed and started pacing, delighted. "What Blackadder did in this bed. What did Blackadder do in the bed. Blackadder did in the bed, what, do. No, no, it's something else.”  
Blackadder gave him a look and went to get some breakfast.

***

Blackadder returned twenty minutes later carrying a tray, walking carefully, trying not to spill anything this morning - again. Stupid Baldrick. He knocked and came in. What he saw almost made him let go of the tray from his suddenly weakened fingers. Prince George was wearing a thin, most indecent pink dress atop his usual white silk jacket.  
"May I ask you what are you doing, milord?”  
"How is it?”  
"Depends on the purpose of use. Although I fear to think of why are you wearing this pink thing."  
"No, it's actually for you. Nice, isn't it? I bet you've been wishing for something like this for a long time."  
"I haven't.”  
"Really? Well if you were a girl you would just love it!”  
"Firstly, I'm not." Blackadder put the tray on the bureau. "And I doubt it could provoke anything other than laughter, milord."  
"You should wear it." Prince George's blue eyes looked larger as he imploringly lifted his eyebrows. "I'm such a handsome young prince. Today when I saw you sleeping I thought that we might," he smiled implying, "you know.”  
"What? Oh no, how did it come to this?" As the question was rhetorical, Blackadder continued without a pause, "Let me get it straight, milord. If I can address you like that – it’s rather surreal with that pink frilly dress. So you decided that you want to have an affair with me? The idea just came to you?", he raised an eyebrow.  
Prince George loudly sighed, relieved. "Exactly. That's why you should wear this cute little dress. One of the men in a relationship should always wear a dress, my mother always told me. And it shall be you." The Prince came towards Blackadder and placed a dress on the approximate place where it should be. "The size is perfect."  
Blackadder actually felt a little fearful at that. He didn’t expect his little scheme to lead to this proposition. The dress was pretty, granted, but sleeping with his employer would bring too many complications to his position.  
"I have some business-- elsewhere, milord." He made to move towards the door.  
Then he cut his retreat and looked at Prince George, who stood with a hurt expression on his face, pink lips pressed together.  
"Why all the girls always leave me!” he lamented.  
Then again it was _Prince George_. He wasn’t capable of complicating anything.  
"Yes, fine, I agree to be a part of your perverted publicity stunt. We can do whatever you want, but no slobbering kissing, no romance mumblin-gumbling and no pink dresses.”  
"Glad to hear it!” The Prince perked up. “Eh, then I have to find a dress in another color. A black one will do.”

***

Blackadder was irritably telling Prince George:  
"Hold still for a moment. Honey goes here, than...”  
"Uh.”  
"Here. Than here.”  
They were lying alongside. The drawn curtains didn't let in too much of midday sunshine. Blackadder painted a sticky line on Prince Regent's chest.  
"Mm. It's actually pretty sweet." With that Prince captured Blackadder's lips in a passionate kiss.  
"Mm. Gm.”  
"I knew that when you told no kissing, you didn't mean it.”  
"Oh, balderdash. I like honey, that’s all there is.”  
"No, you don't." The Prince looked wholly pleased with himself.  
"Whatever." Blackadder pursed his lips and stopped his earlier activity.  
"Carry on, carry on. Come on! I can't stand it. Where's the bloody jar? So, the honey here, here...”  
"Mmm.”

***

Baldrick smiled when he saw Blackadder in the evening the same day.  
“Would you like to try it?”  
“What’s this?” Blackadder suspiciously eyed a stick with fried meat on it.  
“I caught some rats for dinner. You won’t find anything like this at the Butcher’s.”  
“For god’s sake, man, get it away from me. I don’t even care about the critters anymore.” He waved his hand. “You’re late.”  
“How do you mean?”  
“I mean that now I have a place to sleep away from the racket... You wouldn’t understand anyway. Enjoy your so called ‘meal’.”  
“If you’re sure that you don’t want any…” Baldrick trailed off with a shrug.  
“Also get us a cat.”

fin.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why the inspiration struck. The fic was less slashy at first, blame Ilera for he R scene.


End file.
